college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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