Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
