it hurts more in the daytime
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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