Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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