What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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