the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
