Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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