wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
