You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
