You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
