This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
