a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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