You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
