Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
