Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
