I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
