I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
