True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
