Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
