If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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