Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
