508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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