Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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