I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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