I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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