She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
