id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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