i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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