i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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