he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
