how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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