i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
