fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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