my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
