True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The adults are the big ones right?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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