We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
