Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
