i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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