dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
