He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
