what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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