Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
