went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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