So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
soo... how was my night?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
