So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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