she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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