at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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