I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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