I am midnight drunk by noon
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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