Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
