I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
