i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
