you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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