this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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