4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
